Water Tribe: 4
Earth Kingdom: 3
Fire Nation: 3
Air Nomads: 4
Non-Benders: 1
Member of the Month
There is no Member of the Month, however once we get more members we will start this up.
Roleplayer of the Month
There is no Roleplayer of the Month, however once we get more members we will start this up.
Copyright
All typed up information is copyrighted specifically to Avatar NG, and is not to be distributed. Both Avatar: The Last Airbender and their characters are copyrighted to Mike and Bryan, therefore we take no claim to them.
Joined: Jul 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 20 Location: my house in texas Karma: 0
Sagitar Hishomi « Thread Started on Jul 21, 2008, 2:25pm »
Character Application Template
-About You- Your Screen Name:Sagitar Account Notes:i can be active until Aug 4 when football practice starts back up then i will be on later in the days. probably won't be on in late afternoons unless at night. How You Found Us:I found you by google
-Above the Surface- Character Name:Sagitar Hishomi
Nicknames:Sag
Character Age:16
Birth Date:June 15
Character Gender:Male Character Bending:Air Nomad Character Appearance:
Physical Features:Sagitar is your typical teenage male. He is a bit taller than the other air nomads. But he is only taller by about an inch so he isn't bugged about it. He has a beard with his fathers braids in it. He has a birth mark like a strawberry on his left chest. He is long and lanky. His face is symmetrical. He has long, skinny legs. He is white, and his wing span is 5'6", exactly how tall he is. He wears a size 12 adult shoes. He wears an 19 inch rope piece with a bison call on it around his neck. He also wears a 22 inch necklace with the air nomad symbol on it to declare his love for his people.
Facial Features: He has oval shaped eyes that are hazel in color that change with his mood. He has a small beard in which he wears his fathers braids. He has a slightly large nose. He also has slightly big ears that are not pierced. He has straight teeth that go inside a medium sized mouth. He has high cheekbones that have freckles upon them. He also has small dimples that rest in the middle part of his cheeks. He has a bright smile that lights up dark spaces.
Clothing: He wears a robe of fine cloth, that has a sash of red draped around him from upper left to lower right. He wears braids in his beards that his father wore. He wears two necklaces.One is a 19 inch rope with a bison call on it. The other is a 22 inch necklace that has the air nomad symbol on it.
Accessories: He wears braids in his beard. He has two necklaces. One has a bison call on it the other has the air nomad symbol on it. He has a bracelet his mother gave him on his departure to travel the world. It has the four nations symbols on it. He also fur from a platypus bear tied on his glider.
Overall Summary: Shagitar Hishomi is a 16 year old air nomad. He is a typical teenage boy who is slightly tall for his age. He has great features that make him unique. Like his slightly large nose and tad big ears. He has oval shaped eyes that are naturally hazel and change with his mood. He has a birth mark shaped like a strawberry on his left chest. He is long and lanky in shape,and he has skinny arms. His legs are long and he has a scar on his right calf from a fall off his bison in Ba sing Se. He wears a robe of fine cloth with a sash going from upper left to lower right. He has two necklaces. One is a rope with a bison call on it. The other has an air nomad symbol on it. He has a bracelet with the four nations symbols on it his mother gave him before he left on his journey around the world. He also has fur from a platypus bear on his glider.
-Below the Surface- Character Personality: Sagitar is your typical teenage boy. He is comical by nature and has a sarcastic air about him. He is usually nice and kind hearted. But when he gets mad you don't want to be on his bad side. He usually gets mad at cheaters, and people who aren't very nice to him. He likes to walk through towns and just get a feel of what the people are like. He loves to be around people and can sometimes be a show off with his air scooter. He loves to whiz around Ba sing se's walls on it. He is weird and an idiot around close friends because he eats just about anything. Most of the time the stuff he eats makes him go weird in the head.
Public Personality: Sagitar is social and a show off in public. He love being around people and makes lots of friends when he goes to big cities. He also makes a few enemies but hey who doesn't. Sagitar act with a little class around other people who aren't close friends.
Private Personality: Around friends Sagitar is comical and sarcastic. He will do just about anything around his close friends. He loves to be weird and an idiot around them. Sagitar has a hobby of making tea for his friends. He wants to someday have his own tea shop. He loves his friends so much that he is completely his self around them.
Character Goals: Sagitars goals are that he will master his bending. He wans to own a tea shop and have full creative freedom. He wants to travel the world and see everything it has to offer. He wants to have friends descending throughout all the nations. He also wants to find the woman of his dreams and settle down int the Eastern air temple(or in the north pole if she's a water bender).
Character Likes:Bending ball, girls, air surfing, and Pi Sho Character Dislikes:fire flakes, cheaters, and war
-Digging Deeper- Character Strengths: good bender, hard worker, and he has an amazing sky bison Character Weaknesses: temper, and attractive girls Character Abilities:
Air scooter- a ball of air that can support the weight of the maker and you can move around on it. While on the air scooter you can dodge attacks easily. It will last for 5 post and has a 3 post down time.
Air slice- it is a thin slice of air that can cut through just about anything. It will make it easier to cut your way through a jungle with this. It last for 1 post and has a down time of 1 post.
Four winds blast- this air bending move takes two air benders to use. It will blast a group of opponents off their feet and into the air several feet high and about 10 feet away. It has the ability to make an air benders moves more powerful for 3 post. It has a down time of 5 post for each air bender.
Additional Abilities:
Character Weapons: Air Glider
-Meeting Mom and Dad- Character Parents:Sho Hishomi- Dad, Lin Hishomi- Mom Character Siblings: None Others: History: Sagitar was only three when his father died. His father was a great air bender. He was involved in a glider accident. He was air surfing one day when suddenly another air bender lost control of his glider and fell. Sagitar had no idea why his dad didn't save his self by air bending. It has haunted him till this day.
At the age of seven Sagitar started his training. He got his bison and named him Eppo. Sagitar would stay up till it was to dark to see before he stopped training. He was always the first one there and the last one back. He strives to be as good as his father. He loved his training and air surfing. Which is kind of ironic because his father died in a air surfing accident.
At the age of twelve Sagitar was allowed to enter the hall of statues. He used air bending to go and see all the past avatars. He was amazed at all of the avatars and thier different styles. He expecially like the style of a water tribe avatar. He thought it looked cool with the wolf's head on him. Sagitar loved the statues so much that he wanted to make one some day.
Finally it was the day before his sixteenth birth day. He was ready to set off on his journey around the world. The next day he awoke to a storm of people. He was given the best sixteenth birthday he could have asked for. They held an air ball tournament and it was called the Sagitar Cup. He was very touched and was able to give the trophy to the winner. He was ready to head on his journey but his mom made him promise to stick around for 6 more months.
-Around the Edges- Roleplay Sample:Sagitar was ready for his journey. He had packed for a round the world trip and he was determined to do it as his father did. Sagitar was awoken on the day of his departure by his mother. She said, " I am so proud of you my son. You are about to go around the world like your father did. I want to give you something. Here it is wear it proudly." It was a bracelet that had the four nations symbols on it. "Thanks mom it's really nice." exclaimed Sagitar. He took of for the western air temple at noon. His mom Made him promise to send a letter from every messenger hawk station he went by. He promised and set off on Eppo to the western air temple. He had an uneventfully three days of travel. He reached the temple with a greeting from an old friend. Sagitar landed right next to his long time friend Jing. Jing not knowing what was going on was surprised but happy at the same time. Sagitar was glad to see an old friend and they shook hands. Jing exclaimed, "what are you doing here i thought you left for your round the world trip six months ago?" Sagitar said, "No my mom made me stick around for a few more months before i left this is my first stop." Jing said, "Oh well what do you need with me?" Sagitar explained, "I wasn't going to travel around the world without you man i want you with me." Jing was relieved to hear him say this. "I would really like that let me get Meppa." They set off the next day. They were making their way to the Northern Air Temple when they had to stop for supplies. Sagitar was looking at fruits in a shop when he saw the poster for the bending ball tournament. He found Jing and showed it to him. They looked at each other and decided they would compete. Sagitar sent a letter to his mom telling her that he would be heading for Ba-Sing-Se for a bending ball tournament before going to the northern air temple. [b]Anything Else:
I honestly don't know how to say this any clearer, but you have got to read the entire template before you start to fill area's of it out. There are so many problems with the profile that I don't know how to begin.
The bulleted lists under the Character Appearance section need to be a paragraph EACH. None of those are what I would even come close to consider a paragraph long.
For character personality, you need at least two paragraphs in that section to describe your characters personality. After that the bulleted lists each need to be a paragraph long each.
Your character abilities lack ANY details. Just because you give us a name and how long it last does not mean we know automatically what it does. Give us more in the way of descriptions. Describe each of the abilties. What do they do? What does it look like? Does it have a lasting affect? Anything and everything you can think to add.
Now your character history needs a lot more work done to it. First of all you went from third person to first person. You cannot use first person. Stick with third person. Second, as our profile template states you NEED a minimum of three paragraphs for the history describing your characters history. It's not that difficult
I'm not entirely sure how you can't understand Roleplay smaple. It's exactly as it states. Just give us a smaple of your roleplaying skills using the character you've signed up with. To correspond with our rules however your roleplay sample will need to be at least three paragraphs long.
Now while you're editing the above, as our rules state your screen name needs to have your characters first and last name. Simply to go 'Profile' at the top of the screen then 'Modify Profile' and under 'Display Name' put your characters first and last name.
You have a week from today (Monday) to make the changes above or the profile will be automatically denied.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
I really wish you would have replied to the topic saying it was edited.
Okay you still have a lot of details to fix up though. First of all you went from third person to first person in the entire profile. Instead of saying 'Sagitar is' or 'he was' you're saying 'my name is' 'I am' That's considered first person. It's way too confusing. Throughout the site when you're roleplaying you NEED to stick with third person saying 'Sagitar was' 'He did this' ect. If you don't understand that look it up on goolge or something.
Nothing in your appearance section would be considered a paragraph yet. Yes it says a paragraph is 4 to 5 sentences, but you've only put a few words to make a sentence. It's like you're saying 'I am a boy' well we know that much, we want way more descriptions. Make it almost a vivid image that we would be able to picture.
The same goes for your personality. It lacks descriptions. As this is an Advanced Avatar site you need to have descriptions. It's one thing that makes the site advanced is that members know how to give descriptions. You're giving us the abre minimum of your profile, saying this is what the character acts like, but I'm not even going to describe anything else. Add more details.
The same applies to your abilities. Add more descriptions. I understand what they do, but that's just the bare minimum. I want to see more descriptions. Describe the abilties more in depth.
And as I've stated before your history needs to be three paragraphs long. You only have two paragraphs. I'd still like to learn more about his history, as detailed as possible.
Now you really need to use spell check. It's one thig that I forgot to mention last time. There are far too many grammar and spelling errors for me to consider this to be acceptable. Run through some kind of spell check - preferably on microsoft word -
Once again you have a week to make the corrections. Please reply back when you've made the corrections.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
Well you did better this time around. I'm glad you chose to redo everything and make it come out this way, it was really nice.
There is one thing about your history I would like to learn more about.
Who was the statue that he saw in the Hall of Statues that he thought looked familiar? That's the one thing you left out, and it would really be helpful to know who it was and how he recognized them.
Please reply back to this thread once you've finished editing.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
Okay all you did was added a scene with him and his mom. You never once mentioned how he knew the past Avatar or even which one it was. I'd like to know two things. Who is it? And why is he so shocked to find it?
Once you've added those two things I'll look at it again
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
That's not possible >.< In the least bit. In each generation there is only one Avatar, so after that Avatar dies the cycle would start over again, this time going to a different element.
It starts with Water, Earth, Fire, Air.
Now going back to the series of Avatar: The Last Airbender we know the last known Avatar was an Airbender named Aang. And as this roleplay site takes place 200 years into the future the next Avatar would be a Waterbender, whereas in your post you stated the Avatar who was Sagitar's Father was an Airbender that contradicts the cycle of the Avatar as it would cycle back to Water, meaning he would have had to be a Waterbender.
Under no circumstance will a character be related to or no of any Avatar from the past. That just goes against everything in the Avatar universe.
Edit that much out of the history and enter something else there instead.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
Congratulations! You have been accepted into Avatar NG. You may now start roleplaying with the character of yours that has just been accepted. You may create your own roleplay or join one (with permission) that has already been started.
Please keep the rules in mind as you go through your Avatar NG life, and if you have any questions, please contact one of the administrators through PM.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."
![[Home]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/search.gif)
![[Login]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/register.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Author
![[avatar]](http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x129/ttlsboy/thgot.gif)
Logged![[avatar]](http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l23/MoonChaser17/Icons/uhno.jpg){kind=icon}
![[image]](http://airbender.net/graphics/sigs/SorceressofBlades11.jpg)
